Grief and Loss
The terms grief and loss are often linked with thoughts of losing people we care about such as parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, significant others, or close friends. Understanding the inevitable, we brace ourselves for these unfortunate events. However there are other losses associated with aging that are just as relevant but often not thought about until they actually occur. The suffering and pain that comes with loss of income, loss of social contacts, loss of independence, and loss of mental acuity or personal health gives one a personal knowledge of how difficult aging can be.
A well researched approach to the grieving process is offered by *Kübler-Ross. This research suggests that there are 5 emotional reactions one can expect. These can happen in sequence, can overlap, or be experienced in different orders.
1. Denial — this reaction is often one of shock and disbelief. We want second opinions, other explanations, or try to find solace and reassurance through religious exploration
2. Anger — the frustration and the unfairness of the situation is manifested as hostility, resentment, or even envy toward those around us who are not suffering
3. Bargaining — alternative ways out of the situation are explored whether realistic or not
4. Depression — the realization that the situation is unalterable or irreversible leads to feelings of deep loss, sorrow, guilt, and shame over the impending circumstances and its consequences
5. Acceptance — a sense of calm and peace is achieved as we acknowledge that not all things are under our control
While Kübler-Ross's theory was particularly interested in the dying process, it is easily adapted to other types of loss. Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that grief is an active process requiring a person to acknowledge the reality of the loss, work through the emotional turmoil, adjust to the current environment, and move forward with confidence. It has been suggested that a person needs at least 1 year after a significant loss to begin recovery and 2 years is not uncommon.
* Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. New York: Macmillan